"Haiyo, sometimes when I am cooking in the kitchen, you all can call the handphone instead of the housephone mah, then I don't have to run all the way from kitchen to living room to answer the phone lor. Somemore I walk so slow, by the time I reach the living room the phone also stop ringing already lor...."
With all the crystal clear facts given by my grandmother, she won herself a handphone.
It was my mom's old Samsung colour handphone, with only basic function - texting and phone call. No picture message and camera. My grandma was contented.
I grew up in a small town called Gurun with my grandma. For 17 years, I spent my life in a village, with very little space and privacy for myself. I was rather a cocky and ignorant teenager. I thought I am perfect and I have all it takes to be someone significant to the world. I can't wait to get out of that small town and spread my wings. Being in a small house, with 3 rooms, and 'tons' of people, I yearned for my own space. Somehow, the value of cherishing people around you just slip through my minds.
After Form 5, I got what I always dreamt of - coming to a big city and pursued the lifestyle I have always wanted. I lived in vanity for one year.
My sister moved to KL later for her studies. It hit me suddenly, I am not as happy as I thought I would be. It's life, you grow up, and slowly one by one, you leave your old house. My grandma is staying with my mom in Gurun, just the two of them with a maid in a big house that was once so noisy and lively. How irony is that. If only I can travel through time, I would have gone back and slap my old self, punch myself maybe, and hopefully, I would learn to live the moment.
The thought of my grandma sitting alone on the couch and listening to the only sound from radio is unbearable. I hate myself for not giving her the care and love she deserve, I hate myself from leaving the house, and I hate myself for enjoying my life here while my grandma is missing her family whom are always busy with their life.
She wouldn't want to move to KL or Penang(my auntie is staying there). She insists. I am glad my mom is still there to take care of her.
" Hey, I saw my sister's handphone, flip one ler. It looks very easy, I can just open and close the phone like that. Then I don't have to lock the keypad, so troublesome."
"You very trendy ler. Your old handphone cannot use already meh?"
"That one going to spoil soon ler. Sometimes it sot sot dei, I cannot listen to what you all said in the phone."
"You know the flip phone very expensive ar?"
"Cheh, I pay myself lar. You bring me to the phone shop can already. I got money."
To compensate for my guilt, I got my grandma a cheap Motorola colour flip handphone, which cost only RM150. I went high and low to look for the possibly cheapest flip phone. The sales assistants were showing me their f**king scornful face everytime I asked this question,
"Leng chai, you got any first hand colour flip phone below RM200 ar?"
"Leng lui, we don't have such cheap phones lar...RM400 one got, you want?"
.......................
Gladly, I managed to find one that is decent enough for my wallet and also to make my grandma happy. I handed her the phone during 2009 CNY, I can tell she was happy and my heart was contented.
I received a call from my grandma two days ago.
"Pei Yinn ar, I don't how ar, I dropped the handphone in the water ar. It cannot be used already now. Haiz..why am I so careless..."
I tried to assure her that it can be fixed and it's still under warantee. After that, I totally put it behind my mind and enjoy the rest of my weekends.
Until today, my auntie(my mom's second sister) sent me a msn message:
Auntie: Hey, you got any unused handphone or not?
Me: No ar, why?
Auntie: Ah ma's handphone dropped into the water. Not sure why, but she seems to be very sad about it. You got any handphone for her?
My heart sunked, tears twirled in my eyes. I know why she is so sad.
I checked my daily planner. I am taking the earliest bus back to Gurun after I ended my internship.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies
I was childish, ignorant, easily manipulated, ridiculous, silly and all the pathetic words you can think of.
Looking back at myself, I can’t stop thinking how silly was I, silly in a good way though. Fell in and out of crush, sweet and bitter, blessed and embarrassed, foolish and rational, fantasy and reality. What a good way to spend my adolescence!
My definition of ‘love’ evolves as I move forward the path of life.
Standard Six
I had my first crush in Standard Six and I will never forget about it. Well, they said the first cut is the deepest (there is no cut actually). He was in front of me in class, a badminton player representing my school for a state (region?) competition. The badminton tournament was held in my school, hence, as the host, our school has the advantage of bigger cheering groups. The class went for the match. Silly me, I was mesmerized by him. After the match, I couldn’t get his image out of my mind and here I thought something was wrong with me. I was smart enough to figure out the answer – I had a crush on a boy, smart huh? A 12 years old Serene, what can I really do? Peeping at him in class all the time, my heart skipped a beat when my friends talked about him, feeling uneasy when other girls (specially cute girls) approach him, blushed whenever he talked to me, remembered every single words he said to me, tried to impress him with my new hair band and a lot more highly private and confidential issues. And the best part, I thought I was doing a great job in masking my crush, in fact the whole class knew. Gosh, don’t mention that. I never confess to him, I thought it was not needed. I am glad that I did not! Hah, guess I am not that silly as I thought. After we graduated from primary school, we lost contact, and that’s the end of my first silly crush.
Form 2
A hurtful and embarrassing one. I don’t know where the heck this guy get my ICQ (it was still very popular back then) and I don’t what’s wrong with me either, I fell for his words. We chatted through phone and ICQ, and that’s all. He confessed to me few weeks later. Seriously, I couldn’t believe that either. Like I said, I was really pathetic and desperate. Hey, the first time a guy confessed to me, my heart literally stopped functioning when he told me that. I was never his ‘official girlfriend’, we just flirted through phone and ICQ. Even to date I have not met him in real person. My parents thought I was still too young to have a handphone, hence I have to wake up in the middle of the night and called him secretly with my house phone. Pathetic huh? The whole thing ended in few months, he initiated it. Looking back, I have got no reason to be heartbroken but it did sting for a while. I am good in protecting myself emotionally.
Form 4 Thanks to ICQ again. Apparently my adolescence’s love life evolved around the net. It was purely platonic at first, we got in touch because of some tuition issue. He was from a different school. We started to SMS each other (yeah, finally, I can do things behind my parents’ back). We shared common interests in books, life and some other things. We basically SMSed each other every hour, except for night time. After a year, we see no reason for not being together, and voila, my first relationship. I was showered with sweet promises and compliments the whole time, and I thought we are two mature teenagers whom would stick together until forever. I was very much attracted to his maturity and his passion for life. It ended after 3 months. I was wounded and embarrassed by my own ignorance. I was so blinded by the cupid and overlook the apparent problems between the two of us.
Now I think it will be very ignorant to say I know the meaning of love at my age. There are umpteen definitions for love out there and they are all very subjective. It's an emotion people felt at heart and beyonds all languages. To me, it's most important to cherish what I had now, to fully live the moment. I have learned to cherish those I love, be tolerance and patience, and lastly, love them unconditionally.
I never regretted for any of it (though I am rather embarrassed at some point), in fact, I am delighted that it happens :)
I cherish these memory of my life, now and forever.
Other men said they have seen angels, But I have seen thee And thou art enough. ~ by G. Moore ~
Second day of my precious holidays, I promise myself to do something constructive instead of idling around my house after wasted my first off day on basically nothing.
A very nice little bird woke me up at 10 in the morning and I am grateful that I did not trash my handphone on the floor. Weekends usually mean my turn for cleaning the house. I swept the floor, mop it, washed the clothes and bedsheet, and wiped the furniture. Here, I decidedly swear to myself, I will not become a housewife in the future, even if my future husband threatens to divorce me!
Chun Kit arrived later in the morning. Ever since our internship started, we had been spending our weekends on my place together. I never told him how much I enjoy his presence here. Even with him just sit there and play with computer for whole day, seeing him there is all I could ask for.
My dad went out early in the morning, and after all the extreme-household-chore, I was starving!!Out of nowhere, my stomach told me she wants to eat egg tart!! The bright sunny creamy yellow-orange egg tart! I called my dad, asking him to pick up some egg tart for me on his way home.
“I am reaching the car park already, you eat bread lar…”
Okay, no egg tart for my stomach.
The rest of my day went on with no thunder. I watched some Hong Kong drama on DVD, online and went for a swim with Chun Kit.
I am starting to enjoy my moment with the water. For some reasons, I never find being in a large pool of water is safe. I think it’s the insecurity and my inability to lose some grips. There are times when I feel like letting go of the floating board I was holding, and to be freed in the water. Chun Kit likes to float on the water and just stare at the tranquil blue sky while listening to the serene sound of water.Sometimes, a peaceful moment is all it needs to keep a person sane.
We went for dinner with auntie’s family in a hawker stall. As usual, Chun Kit will join us for dinner. After half plate of fried tom yam noodles, and some fried chicken, my stomach was still not very much satisfied. Sigh, after one week hardship of dieting, I was baffled by my stupid stomach. I went to order some fishball. As I turned around and walked back to our able from the fishball stall, I saw a silly guy stood in front of me with an egg tart.
“Why…” a speechless Serene trying to understand.
“I bought for my mom you dumbass.” Chun Kit said sarcastically.
I grinned like a little girl.
To be honest, the egg tart is not very nice in taste. Nonetheless, it tells me I am one lucky blessed girl :)
I am nothing but a girl who has lots of quirky and abnormal thoughts in her tiny miny brain. I believe in life, and how short it is. I am currently on a race with the daunting time, wanting to run ahead of him, any advice?
