Follow your heart

It is Sunday I really hope I could have one more day to splurge. And here, my definition of one more day doesn't imply me taking mc/el, but the whole world is resting/chilling too. I tried pampering myself with a day off from work and ended up sending emails in office while watching Xmen: First class. The world just doesn't stop for anyone. Wait a minute, does that just make me a slave to the world? What the hell.

I went out with old college mates yesterday. It was originally planned as a bar-drinking get together and for some reason we all ended up in a club. It has been a year since we last get together for club and dance. Everything felt so different now. Everyone has more story to tell, more dissatisfaction, more troubles, more shits, more unspeakable pressure. It is as if we are the salve to life, nothing is ever within our control or the way we want it to be.

And I must remind myself, life is too short and insignificant for us to cling on the unnecessary or to be bounded by rules, time, or our fear.

“Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
- Steve Jobs -

Random

This is me mumbling words on my mind at 1am on a Tuesday morning.

As much as I am tempted to label my Monday as disastrous, I would like to see it as my need to handle my emotion more objectively and rationally. For the past 23 years, I've been acting on impulse most of the time - spurring words that brought to unthinkable consequences, spending on clothes that I don't necessary wear, getting a short hair, falling in love, studying in advertising, and most often than not, doing stuffs that I should have thought through before acting on it. I guess when you reacting impetuously, you lose sight of the bigger picture.

This used to be one the thing I savour about myself, I still do to be honest. I am glad that my past decisions had actually brought me here, making me a fearless person (not so much maybe). With everything that had happened today, I think it is time for me to give things a little more thought before I response to it. After all, what would a day or few second means? Provided that I make sure everything is what I really want it to be.

I would like to write down what happened to me yesterday, but I figured I might get really cranky and start blaming people when go any further into problem/trouble/issue/pile of shits/etc/. To sum it up, it was work-and-guy-related. Aha!

Cheers Serene! Think of the giant picture!

We Have It All

It has been exactly 366 days when we all embarked onto our life-changing 3 months in Liverpool, United Kingdom. Funny how time flies in just a blink.

15 of us went to Bridge Bar at G Tower to celebrate (or to nostalgia) this one year anniversary. It is apparent that everyone misses our moments in UK and it meant a lot to each and everyone. Every now and then, someone would suggests: Let's have a trip to Taiwan! Let's go for war game together! Let's go for buffet together! Let's go Melacca together! Well, some plans work-out, and some just gone with the wind without anyone realizing it. For those plans that worked out, it is always among a few, never again it is anything like what happened in UK, where we went on a trip to Land's End and Scotland in 5 cars, house partying, crazy clubbing outing, a trip to Stonehenge/Manchester/South Port (and more) that were all joined by everyone - 28 of us.

We did try, but it just didn't happen. Did we try hard enough? Or is it time to realize we are no longer in Liverpool and time to wake up and face our responsibility in life?

As much as I would love to know the answer to all these, I don't.

What can I say, I am a dreamer. A very very naive and stubborn dreamer. I believe we have it all. Even though we might not have this huge group of partying or gathering anymore, what we have for that 3 months, will always stay in all of us.

Be it good or bad, I'll always treasure the 4 years, 3 months and a lifelong friendship we all shared.

Yes, let's make a pledge to meet here again :)

Anticipation

I woke up this morning with a sudden rush of anticipation for 2 things - my coming Sabah trip in September and also, the movie of Water for Elephants.

As cliche as it sounds, I want this Sabah trip to be a soul-fulfilling journey where once again, I will find out the true self. But seriously, how many soul-searching have I embarked on? And do I ever really get the answer I want? Coming to think of that, I am always lost in thought, having all these ideas and aspiration, but only so few are translated into action. Could it be that the answer to knowing myself is actually doing things and living my life literally; rather than dwelling inside my brain and thinking that I want to but never really do it? Well, I believe I will have to do it to find out :)

I just finish the novel 'Water for Elephants'. It is one of the few book where you read the synopsis on back page and you just knew you have to get it. If there is anything I picked up from the story, nothing matters as long as there is a heart. Yes :)

My Answer

So much had happened and I don't even know where to begin.

First, I had a wonderful 3 months in Liverpool with my very very very precious ladies, I got dumped by my 4 years bf, and went backpacking for Europe with him and only to discover he is already in love with someone else later. Flew back to Malaysia, had some up and downs, some I-can't-live-without-you and some I-will-live-better-than-you moment. Pull myself up, got a job in Advertising Agency, got inspired by people around me, some old friends, some online video, some facebook notes, some movies, some music and very expensive ice-cream. Broke down once in a while and finally I am stabilized. I was satisfied and yet a part of me felt void.

I don't remember how it happens and why, but it is a combination of 'Water for Elephant', 'Strangers, Again by WongFu Production', my old Europe pictures and God-knows-what-else. My brain vividly formed the word and I literally say it out - WRITING.

To be very very frank, my language both spoken and written are not very strong. And yet I have always dream the job of a journalist. The sad thing is, I have never really given much thought and effort into realizing my dream. Well, from what I have learn in my jobs, writing is basically the root to all things, and most importantly, I believe it will lead me to where I want to be (even though I can't pinpoint the exact place yet :D).

I am going for this. Pinky swear!

Me in Florence, Italy.
Where I met Markus from Germany and accidentally spent 8 euro on a cone of ice-cream!

Banana, Coconut and Teringai Laut

This is the first picture I took when I reached Kampung Teringai Laut, Sabah. Apparently it wasn’t a trip of 5-star hotel and endless shopping spree.

I told myself not to get lengthy with this post. For me, the trip was way too beautiful, beyond the description of words.

I spent few days in a very poor village in Sabah with 5 other student, Mr Venon - the miracle worker who makes life better for the villagers, Naimah – the loving teacher who gives her heart to the kids, Betty – the shy and kind-hearted native who worked closely with Naimah, and lastly, Gwyneth – a courageous British who volunteers to help out in the village.

Shame, I was disgusted by the children when I first reached there. Their clothes are all torn with dirt and stain, with sand all over their face and nails that I never thought I could tolerate. And the smell, I was guessing shower was not in their custom. I can see bacteria all over the place, literally. I saw how they played around, falling down on sand and wiping their face with filthy hands, eating food that had dropped on the floor.

If it were my 5 five years old cousin, he would have cry running to me and wanting me to caress him and maybe, get him a new toy. The Teringai Laut children just stand up by themselves, and laugh at their carelessness for tripping over a stone. How different.

For the few days, the 6 of us conducted a series of classes for the children. Class started at 8am, and half of them were there by 7am. With kids, we did the usual things – singing song, doing artwork, learning new vocabulary, drawing and painting. They don’t have the privilege of city kids, but they are very eager to learn, and they appreciate things.

A scene in the class room as we were teaching them artwork.

The last day was always the most memorable one. I started to bond with some of the kids there. We were giving out balloons to the kids, wanting them to learn the color balloons. The cheeky me started to draw things on the balloon for them. I drew a ‘happy’ face on Helmid’s orange balloon, “see, ini ‘gembira’. It is called ‘HAPPY’ in English”. The boy beside me (My bad, I don’t remember his name), handed me his balloon and asked, “I want HAPPY.” I took the balloon, and gave him HAPPY, with an extra car. It went on and on, they started to ask for more pictures, flower, butterfly, love, Mickey Mouse and etc.

say hi to the artist!

As I was busy showing off my talent on the balloon, I saw a boy untying his balloon and letting out the air inside, I asked him. He only said “boleh simpan lama sikit”. And the balloon cost us 20 cent.

I would never forget the scene where they left the classroom, and ran off cheerfully with the colourful balloons on their hand. Happiness is just so simple.

Later on, the kids gave us a tour around the village. Pendeling, the mischievous girl who always failed to stick her butt on the chair came beside me and hold my hand. The little hand which I deemed as unhygienic on my first arrival, is now the warm hand I wish to hold again. Normah came later, holding my hand as we strolled around the village.

Forest pigs roam around the village as if it was nobody business, indeed a rare scene in city nor town. We saw their houses, built of wood and bamboo. And yeah, we saw deer too! On our way, we bumped into Pendeling’s mother, she was washing clothes beside the river with some other villagers. The kids definitely have potential to be tour guide, they were so eager to show us around, and teaching us their native language – Rusun. I am a slow learner, I can only remember ‘tasuk’, which means dog in English.

It was getting late and we had to head back to the school. Without my expectation, the girls gave me a hug, a gesture than means more than life to me.

I left Kampung Teringai Laut next day, and without packing my heart.

I hold some of the best memories I have in Kampung Teringai:

Rohesa, she looks like pageant princess!!

Wendi, a shy shy boy who won't join us in the class, but peeping at us through the window. And I knocked my head like **** while handing him the balloon outside the classroom.

My favourite spot of the house!! The hammock where I felt asleep while listening to the splashing sounds of banana and coconut leaves, bringing my mind to the beach. This is also how I got the idea for title, the banana and coconut...

A bowl of RM1 chicken mihun!!Unbelievable right?!

This is what you get when you are staying in a rural village! Endless coconut. Oh, did I mention the kids can climb coconut as fast as a Nissan Skyline?

A long long long long journey to the beach...

finally, after 45 minutes of walk..we are there...ohmmmm.....

no caption, simply acting crazy.

the five star house of Kampung Teringai Laut

cam-whoring while touring the village!

Spiderman crossing the bridge, which I don't have the guts to cross...*shy*

HAPPY simply loving this photo.


Looking up.

It has been months since I last left Teringai Laut, the memory is still dancing vividly in my brain. What I have gained through the journey is priceless, and I don't think I can channel my emotions into words, it wouldn't be as beautiful as experiencing it yourself. Who knows, someday, you might be sharing with me how much you enjoy your stay in an unknown village and drinking lots lots of coconut!

Off To An Unknown Village

At 6.50am later, I will boarding on a flight to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, off to an unknown village with my friends.

First time being away from home for 2 weeks,
first time having to stay in a real rural area,
first time having to cook for all meals,
first time having no handphone network for 2 weeks,
first time having no facebook for more than one day,
first time having no MSN messenger,
first time having no laptop and games for more than 2 hours,
first time having to wash all my clothes MANUALLY,
first time having no cozy bed and blanky for nights,
first time having no aircon for more than one day...

I hope I survive.

See ya in 2 weeks time!