Page of green romance

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you
will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies

I was childish, ignorant, easily manipulated, ridiculous, silly and all the pathetic words you can think of.

Looking back at myself, I can’t stop thinking how silly was I, silly in a good way though. Fell in and out of crush, sweet and bitter, blessed and embarrassed, foolish and rational, fantasy and reality. What a good way to spend my adolescence!

My definition of ‘love’ evolves as I move forward the path of life.

Standard Six

I had my first crush in Standard Six and I will never forget about it. Well, they said the first cut is the deepest (there is no cut actually). He was in front of me in class, a badminton player representing my school for a state (region?) competition. The badminton tournament was held in my school, hence, as the host, our school has the advantage of bigger cheering groups. The class went for the match. Silly me, I was mesmerized by him. After the match, I couldn’t get his image out of my mind and here I thought something was wrong with me. I was smart enough to figure out the answer – I had a crush on a boy, smart huh?
A 12 years old Serene, what can I really do? Peeping at him in class all the time, my heart skipped a beat when my friends talked about him, feeling uneasy when other girls (specially cute girls) approach him, blushed whenever he talked to me, remembered every single words he said to me, tried to impress him with my new hair band and a lot more highly private and confidential issues.
And the best part, I thought I was doing a great job in masking my crush, in fact the whole class knew. Gosh, don’t mention that. I never confess to him, I thought it was not needed. I am glad that I did not! Hah, guess I am not that silly as I thought.
After we graduated from primary school, we lost contact, and that’s the end of my first silly crush.

Form 2

A hurtful and embarrassing one.
I don’t know where the heck this guy get my ICQ (it was still very popular back then) and I don’t what’s wrong with me either, I fell for his words. We chatted through phone and ICQ, and that’s all. He confessed to me few weeks later. Seriously, I couldn’t believe that either. Like I said, I was really pathetic and desperate. Hey, the first time a guy confessed to me, my heart literally stopped functioning when he told me that. I was never his ‘official girlfriend’, we just flirted through phone and ICQ. Even to date I have not met him in real person. My parents thought I was still too young to have a handphone, hence I have to wake up in the middle of the night and called him secretly with my house phone. Pathetic huh?
The whole thing ended in few months, he initiated it. Looking back, I have got no reason to be heartbroken but it did sting for a while. I am good in protecting myself emotionally.

Form 4
Thanks to ICQ again. Apparently my adolescence’s love life evolved around the net.
It was purely platonic at first, we got in touch because of some tuition issue. He was from a different school. We started to SMS each other (yeah, finally, I can do things behind my parents’ back). We shared common interests in books, life and some other things. We basically SMSed each other every hour, except for night time.
After a year, we see no reason for not being together, and voila, my first relationship. I was showered with sweet promises and compliments the whole time, and I thought we are two mature teenagers whom would stick together until forever. I was very much attracted to his maturity and his passion for life.
It ended after 3 months. I was wounded and embarrassed by my own ignorance. I was so blinded by the cupid and overlook the apparent problems between the two of us.

Now
I think it will be very ignorant to say I know the meaning of love at my age. There are umpteen definitions for love out there and they are all very subjective. It's an emotion people felt at heart and beyonds all languages. To me, it's most important to cherish what I had now, to fully live the moment. I have learned to cherish those I love, be tolerance and patience, and lastly, love them unconditionally.

I never regretted for any of it (though I am rather embarrassed at some point), in fact, I am delighted that it happens :)

I cherish these memory of my life, now and forever.