Heeley

A dog wags its tail with its heart.

~Martin Buxbaum~

I am never a dog person. Seriously.

But how can you? They are such adorable creature with wagging tails!!

Whenever I see a dog, okay, very cute, and it bites. That's it, I draw my line. I know, I am cold-hearted and all that. Well, I never say I am an amiable person right?

And then there is Heeley, a two months old puppy. The only dog/puppy I have ever caresses tenderly for more than 1 minute.

Only my ever two mischievuos and cheeky 9 and 7 years old cousins could have tought of such a name for a puupy. Heeley was given by a neighbour to my grandma, and then my grandma gave it to my auntie's family who stay in Penang.

I come to my auntie's house on Saturday, along with my grandma. It is sorta like a routine for my grandma to come to Penang and stays with her daughters for some days. This time, I tag along! The first day I arrived in Penang, Heeley just got discharge from a vet clinic. According to my auntie, she is having some worms infection, causing it impossible for food digestion.

Heeley, a small local puppy. Adorable and cute. Then, I spent my whole day playing PSP and surfing the net.

Monday evening, out of the blue moon, I sat beside Heeley's cage and looked at her. She looked so weak and vulnerable. Without knowing how I manage to get over the fear of being bitten by a dog, I opened the cage door and stroke Heeley gently. After all, she is only a puppy. Why on earth would I be afraid of her? She tried to stand up but keep falling off. After several attempts, she gave up and lied her body aside while I caress her tiny body. Not bad huh, maybe I might start to like dog soon. I even thought of keeping a dog for real!!haha...Heeley convinced me not all dogs bite.

Heeley looked so fatigue, and she didn't bark at all for two days. She doesn't have to know human language, anyone with bare eyes would have known she is in agony. I have very little knowledge of dog, the only thing I know how to do is to tenderly stroke away all her pain.

Not long afterwards, my uncle reached home with the kids. He called the vet, Dr Joseph after seeing Heeley is not turning any better. After 5 minutes, we are on our way to the vet clinic.

Heeley did not make any noise on the journey. She just lied quietly there.

Dr Joseph injected a kind of fluid into Heeley's backside, which is suppose to cause diarrhea and hence removing all the worms and toxics in her body. The vet threw alot of scientific terms while explaining to us about Heeley's condition. It has been 3 years since I last exposed myself to any scientific thingy, and so I only managed to grab 30% of what the vet was trying to convey. Based on my understanding, Heeley's body was 'attacked' by hookworms, which mostly is genetically inheret through birth or through 'breastfeeding' from her mom. It is very likely that Heeley was having severe internal bleeding and her organs might be cruelly bitten by all the worms.

The fluid is supposed to bring to defecation, in order words, poo!! We waited for 5 minutes, nothing come out. Dr Joseph increase the dose. While the vet was injecting the fluid to Heeley's backside, from laying there weakly, she become uptight, and she tried to open mouth and bark with her faint body. No voice coming out from Heely. She was too weak to moan for pain. I was hoping at least my caress will make her feel better.

After another 5 minutes, still nothing.

Nothing and still nothing.
Bad news. Heeley might be having mechanical failure. And the survival chance is only 25%.

Two option:
- Take the 25%.
- End Heeley's pain once and for all.

Heeley's gaze never leave my uncle while he was thinking. As if she knows what we were talking about. Does dog really understand what human said? If they do, Heeley was suffering inside out.

After much consideration, my uncle decided to put her down. It was very disheartening, but there is only so little we can do. Even the vet said her survival chance was bleak.

Just as we were about to leave, Heeley poo!! Finally she defecated. We can see all the dirty poo coming out!! And here I thought twist and hope are only meant for fiction. She poo!! and it was alot.

There were alot of worms and digested blood in the poo, which indicating severe internal bleeding. For one moment, I really thought Heeley would get well. What was done was till there. Heeley's survical chance is still bleak, and the pain is with her.

Final decision - Let Heeley goes.

We left the clinic. Heeley still didn't make a noise. I wonder, does she know what is going to happen to herself? What will she do if she get to choose for herself? I looked at her eyes for once lifetime, does dog cry? If they do, I think I saw tears in her eyes...

We didn't talk much in the car. I can't tell my uncle is not having the world most desirable emotion now. If must be devastating to make such decision. I don't know what to think and feel.

I only knew Heeley for 2 hours. Afterall, death is part of life.

I can't help crying in the shower. I have had a ride on emotional roller coaster today, a bad bad bad bad bad roller coaster.